Evading Customs
by GoldFox
Summary: Right after coming on the TARDIS, the Doctor and Rose have to deal with some of Jack's old disgruntled customers. Contains vore.
1. Chapter 1

_Note: Done right after S1E10, right after they accept Jack aboard the TARDIS._

* * *

Rose couldn't remember a better evening on the TARDIS. The music and dancing between herself, Jack and the Doctor lasted for many hours, and while there was no specific time on the TARDIS, it did feel like very late in the evening before she and Jack had started to slow, their steps fumbling until it was like the Doctor was leading them around on strings.

Finally, the Doctor saw their states and he laughed. "Humans. You get so TIRED!" he said with a chuckle, smiling hugely.

"Oh bugger off…" Rose mumbled, but she was smiling too as she slumped to the floor, dragging Jack down with her, giggling and laughing.

Chuckling a little quieter now, the Doctor pointed to the hall out of the base 'lobby' of the TARDIS. "Go on then. To bed, Rose."

"Yes, mummy." She answered with a smirk as she got up and passed him, making him do a face at her.

"Ah, a bed…" Jack said, starting to get up to follow her. "That sounds-"

He stopped as, when trying to pass the Doctor, a hand snapped up and was pushed on his chest. As he looked up in surprise, the Doctor gave him a firm look. "Her room's not your concern. YOURS is down the hall, take a left, then two rights. It's labeled."

"Labeled?" Jack said, confused.

"Aye." The Doctor answered easily, letting his hand drop and turning back to the controls.

After a pause, Jack asked, "Labeled as WHAT, if I may ask?"

The Doctor was grinning. " _'Excess rubbish'_." he answered, looking over his shoulder at him.

Jack started to laugh tiredly. "Oh… Oh thanks. I can just FEEL the kindness oozing out of you."

"Get on." The Doctor snapped, no longer looking at him. "Or something'll start oozing out of your nose. Something red and coppery."

Jack held up his hands peacefully, saying, "All right… mummy!" He turned and sprinted down the hall, thinking he had managed the last laugh… until a small floor panel suddenly jumped up, catching his foot and making him fall spectacularly.

He brushed himself off as the Doctor hummed cheerfully in the distance.

The Doctor watched the man go, smirking a bit as he heard the distant grumbling. He started to check over the TARDIS, trying to find a safe place to land for the night. He didn't sleep often, but when he did, he did like to be in a safe spot! Finding one, a distant moon that was 10 years from even being discovered, he felt it was safe and put the TARDIS down. He sighed in delight and he turned, about to head for his own room… and then heard the beeping.

He dashed back to the consol, reading the strange characters quickly, his face draining of colour. "Oh… Oh you've got to be kidding me!" he gasped, trying to fiddle with the devices, but nothing worked. "Come ON!" he moaned.

He looked down the hallway where the others had gone, biting his lip. He started to pace back and forth, muttering to himself, "Thinkthinkthinkthink-" He froze and his hands came up. "YES!" he shouted and dashed down the hall, taking the first right. He dashed into the room, and almost bumped into Jack.

The man jumped in shock, stammering, "Oh CHRIST! You scared the crap out of me!"

The Doctor was still. "What're you doing in here?" he asked suspiciously.

Jack was quick to hold up his hands. "Hey, hey, no. Not what you think. I'm not scavenging! Just looking…" He turned to eye the room, which was full of cabinets and containers and cases. The whole place was the size of an American football field and Jack seemed stunned. "I haven't seen this much tech in a single room EVER!" He turned and watched as the Doctor just sighed at him and started to run off, towards a row of containers that looked just like office cabinets from earth. "You've…. You've got EVERYTHING! I didn't know half of these things still existed!"

But the Doctor ignored him, pulling open the drawers one by one, muttering to himself.

Jack watched a while longer, lips pursed, displeased at being ignored, but he stayed where he was for a while, head tilted to the side, smiling slightly.

"If you're done eyeing my arse…." the Doctor snapped, "…come and help me look. I'm looking for a blue collar, three circuit boards on the outside, red lights on the outside."

Unable to help a smile, Jack came and did as told, quipping, "I wasn't _done_ -"

"Yeah, we're not going there." The Doctor snapped, stopping to glare at him. "Got it?"

Jack smiled innocently. "No interspecies exploration, eh?"

"No." the Doctor said as he kept looking. "'Sides… you're far too young for my tastes."

Jack couldn't help a chuckle and kept looking.

After a couple minutes, the Doctor shouted. "Got it!" He was holding the collar in his hand and using his other, whipped out the sonic screwdriver and started to examine the collar with it.

Coming over, Jack stared. "What… is that?"

"Personal compression field." the Doctor said, turning the device over and scanning again. "Same model that those Slitheens were using, except I nipped forwards about 50 years and grabbed this one. MUCH more effective. Less gas exchange problems. Also modified it a bit for my own personal reasons. None other like it in the universe." He paused to chuckle. "I know. I checked."

"Uh-huh…" Jack muttered. There was silence but for the buzzing of the sonic screwdriver. "And… why do you need it so desperately?"

"Oh it's not for ME." The Doctor said, turning around. "It's for YOU!" With no further warning, he suddenly, lunged forwards and strapped the device on Jack's neck.

The man thrashed in surprise and instantly tried to claw it off, snapping, "What?! WHY?! Get this off! What is all this?!"

The Doctor then surprised Jack by reaching and held the man's face in both hands, saying sternly, "You'll be fine, but you have to trust me."

"Trust you!?" Jack snapped as the Doctor started to run away from him. "I barely even KNOW you!" he shouted after him as he disappeared through the door.

There was silence and then the Doctor poked his head back in, smiling that huge smile of his. "Then you've no reason NOT to trust me!" and dashed off again, calling out, "Come on!"

Jack dashed after him, asking tiredly, "Okay, so… what's going on?"

The Doctor was back in the main room, rushing about the hub of the TARDIS and Jack started to realize that something was up. He knew what that pattern of beeping meant! He knew that language. "Oh no…"

He rushed over as the Doctor nodded, showing him the panel. "Yeah."

"But HOW?!" Jack asked in shock, looking frightened.

The Doctor shrugged and dashed to the other side of the hub, Jack following. "We caused a big ruckus in London and our trail crossed right with yours. Not a hard assumption to make."

Jack stumbled after him, asking desperately, "What'll I DO?! They'll kill me!"

"Wha's goin' on?" came the sleepy voice behind them and they both turned to see Rose, looking sleepy and confused.

The Doctor nodded to Jack. "Your new boyfriend had bounty hunters after him that he CONVENIENTLY forgot to mention!"

As Jack was about to speak in his defense, Rose snapped, "He's not my boyfriend!" She then grumbled, saying, "And what bounty hunters?" But then her eyes opened wide. "Wait… you mean…?"

"Yeah, the ones he's conned before us." The Doctor agreed, typing fast on the keyboard in the panel. "They were tracking his ship and GUESS which blue box just so _happened_ to intercept his ship just before it exploded and with none of his remains inside?"

"What'll we do?" Rose asked in horror, rushing over to peer over the Doctor's shoulder.

The Doctor went still, straightening, looking right at Jack, who had moved down from the platform to be out of the way and to try and find an escape route. "We have to let them in."

The man's reaction was as expected. "WHAT?!"

"You heard me." The Doctor snapped. "We can't outrun them, they're too fast and got a lock on us and if we deny them entrance, that's all but saying we have you."

"But we DO have him!" Rose snapped, pointing to the man in question.

Jack shrugged helplessly, smiling weakly. "She's got a point. I AM right here."

The Doctor then rushed over to him, jumping over the railing to stand before him. As Jack stood back in surprise, the Doctor held up his sonic screwdriver. "Yes. You are. But know what?" He smiled as he turned the device on and the collar beeped. "Soon, you won't be!"

There was a bright flash and the Doctor smiled as he pocketed the screwdriver, but then frowned. "Oh no…" He bent down, scooping something small and living off the floor, scowling. "I knew it wasn't charged enough!"

Jack Harkness lay in his hand, a measly 6 inches tall, looking terrified and confused, looking around in shock, clinging to the Doctor's hand. He looked upwards, trembling as he snapped, "What… What did you DO to me?"

"Compressed you." The Doctor said simply, smiling again.

Staring from the railing above them, Rose called out, "Oh, oh I get it!"

The Doctor froze and turned to her in shock. "Wait, what? You DO?"

Nodding, she explained, "I've seen this on TV shows. You're going to hide him! Stick him in the sock drawer or something while you let those others search the ship and not find him?"

The Doctor looked back down at the tiny man in his hands, saying with an awkward grin, "Uh… you've got the 'hiding' part right at least. Good on you."

There was a sudden thumping on the door, loud and angry, and there was a noise that sounded like a car driving on an ill-kept gravel road.

Spinning to look at Rose, the Doctor looked genuinely uncertain for a moment, but as the knocking and the noise came again, he tightened his grip on the tiny figure, feeling him squirm in surprise, saying clearly, "Rose. You didn't see this."

"See what?" she asked nervously, and then gaped as the Doctor lifted the little man to his face… and shoved his top half into his mouth.

Jack let out a scream as this happened, mostly out of disgust and surprise rather than fear. He hadn't really understood what was happening just yet and all he knew was that he was getting SOPPING wet with slime and it was disgusting. He thrashed and kicked, snapping, "Hey, this is NO way to kiss someone on a first date!" He shouted, trying to use his arms, but they were stuck fast to his sides. He tried again to get loose, his face and chest well-squished between the soft tongue and the tough, rubbery palate. "This is disgusting!" he shouted as he felt the Doctor rearranging his hands on his body. "Stop it and let me out!" Idly, he noticed he felt oddly cold, but he didn't think much more about it

He was then very surprised as the gravity started to change and before he knew it, he was upside down!

Blinking in surprise, Jack yelped as he felt a push against his legs… a push forwards… which meant he moved downwards. Down the gullet in front of him.

Eyes opening WIDE in disbelief, Jack started to kick and struggle, calling out, "O-Okay, okay, well played! Okay, nice payback for the whole con thing! I get it! Now get me out of h-" He yelped as his legs were squeezed together in the Doctor's fist, the strength of the huge hand now so terrifying, and with a muffled 'gluk' kind of noise, Jack let out a whimper as he was shoved in deeper, his hips now resting on the back edge of the Doctor's tongue, his chest squeezed in the start of the throat. He started to really fight now, not even speaking as he protested, just making animal noises of fear as he tried to squirm backwards, away from that slippery tunnel that led to certain death.

Unfortunately, nature was terrifyingly effective, because with another swallow that sounded FAR too powerful and yet easy at the same time, Jack shouted as he felt the Doctor's lips around his ankles, the only pressure keeping him from dropping down further inside the huge man. He kept thrashing, trying to break loose, even calling for Rose to help him now, entertaining ideas of her plucking him out by the feet. He squalled as he thrashed, his cries no longer intelligent. Just… primeval terror.

The Doctor frowned as he tipped his head back and with a jerk of the head and a snap of his jaws, the tiny feet were sucked into his mouth and he gulped hard, huffing a bit as he felt the large bulge work itself down his throat and disappear into nothingness at his collarbone. He smacked his lips a bit, turning to Rose as he complained, "God, he reeked of vermouth!" He then shrugged as he started to walk back to the hub. "I prefer gin to vermouth, myself…"

Rose was just… staring at this point, unable to believe what she had seen. The Doctor… had just… eaten Jack? Had shoved him in his mouth and with a few gulps, had sucked him down? The Doctor was now coming to the control panel and Rose could only stand there mutely as he rushed by her. She turned to stare, just… shocked.

The Doctor was fiddling with the control panels and he paused, going still as he grimaced. He frowned and patting his belly, he then belched. Looking relieved, he then went back to work, commenting, "That's true, I guess."

"T-True?" she asked quietly, still in shock.

He looked up and smiled. "That saying you earth lot have. ' _Tasted better going down than coming up_ '!"

She gaped, trying to speak, but then jumped as there was a heavy banging on the door.

The Doctor was at her side instantly and as he held her close to him, he bent and muttered into her ear, "Play along, or we die."

Jack shivered as look upwards, trembling as he hugged himself breathing hard, listening to the cacophony of sounds around him. The lungs were hard enough, rushing in hundreds of gallons of air in and out of lungs that dwarfed him, sounding like a violent storm to his tiny ears right now, but that was nothing compared to the double beating of the Doctor's twin hearts. The hearts didn't beat in unison, but right after the other, creating an odd 4 beat pulse. It was… weird. But so loud and strong.

He felt so small, so helpless in here! He shook as he hugged himself tighter, trying to curl up and finding it far too easy to do. He blinked in the darkness, squeezing his eyes shut after a moment, trying to wipe the previous scene from his mind, to avoid seeing it over and over as that mouth had opened up before him, tried to forget how it felt to have the throat squeezing and sucking and shoving him downwards despite all his struggles. But try as he might, he still couldn't block that sound from his memory: the squelching gurgle that had resonated around him when he had been forced, kicking and screaming, into the Doctor's belly. He had struggled, had kicked and thrashed, but nothing had worked. All it had accomplished was to somehow get him to be upright in the belly and he lay there silently now, quivering.

He wasn't a stupid man. He had been here a good couple minutes by now and while he could smell the citrus-y stink of acid… nothing was wrong. He wasn't burning or melting or… anything, really. He shook again as he looked around, opening his eyes hesitantly. His eyes had adjusted to the darkness by now and he could see that even though the slick, wrinkled walls were tight all around him, barely giving him room to lie out comfortably, they weren't hurting him. He fit as snug as inside a coffin, but he… wasn't hurting. He didn't know how the doctor had done this, but he wasn't hurting, so he knew he had to play along, as much as he hated it.

Jack shook again, hugging himself tightly, squeezing his eyes shut again as the stomach growled around him, squeezing him firmly in place as it tried again to digest him, like a good piece of meat, but as he felt the acids drip all over him, he remained unharmed still, whimpering to himself.

Standing tall, the Doctor went to the door, dragging Rose along with him, and opened it. Standing before the TARDIS were two alien beings about seven feet tall. Their bodies reminded Rose of hourglasses, with a huge upper and lower section, but a skinny middle, almost too skinny. How were they not snapping in half?! Their heads seemed to be stuck on the top of their upper halves, but it was difficult to call it a head. It was more like a plank of material sticking up vertically on the body, wide and tall, but thin. It was branched on both sides by weird, leafy-looking structures. The legs were much the same, except they splayed out and fanned to be wider at the base than at the top and they had no toes to speak of. Their arms were much the same, with the 'fingers' of the 'hands' looking like more of those leaves.

These, combined with their pale green colour made Rose utter one word: "Celery." She stared. These beings looked like creatures made of CELERY! Like from an old b-monster movie or something!

She felt a hand clap on her shoulder and the Doctor was smiling hugely, muttering, "Rose, don't insult our guests." He then waved cheerfully, saying, "Hello. I'm the Doctor. How can I help you?"

The alien on the left spoke first and its voice made Rose wince. It was so high in pitch that it would be comical if it weren't for the horrific nail-on-a-chalkboard aspect to it! It took her a second to understand what it was saying and she stared. "We want the one who calls himself Captain Jack Harkness."

"He cheated us of our bounty." said the second being. "We have come to collect our wrongfully-taken pay."

The Doctor grinned and waved them inside, saying, "Well, go on and look, but he's not here."

The two beings paused, but then marched inside. One of them started to walk around the lobby of the TARDIS, peering into all the cracks while the other stayed to speak with the Doctor. "We found your ship's trace next to his and the time matches up to before his vessel self-destructed."

The Doctor shrugged. "Well, yeah, we picked him up. But then we put him down."

"Put him down?" The alien asked, head tilted slightly.

"Yeah." The Doctor said. He then gave Rose's shoulders a squeeze, making her inhale a little sharply in surprise. He then scowled at the alien, saying, "If you must know, he was making advances on my mate here."

"M-Mate?" Rose mumbled.

"Yes, _dear_." The Doctor answered, smiling stiffly in a ' please don't screw this up' fashion.

Rose didn't have time to think as the creature turned to stare at her and she was staring at its blank, green face. It had no eyes, no mouth, nothing! How was it even SPEAKING to her?! "Is this true?" it asked her, the voice sharp and harsh on her ears.

"Uh…" She felt the hand on her shoulder tighten slightly and she felt an odd dread fill her. Gulping, she lowered her head. "Y-Yes. Yes it is."

"You are hesitating as you speak." The creature observed, leaning in closer.

Stammering, Rose then squeezed out of the Doctor's embrace, hugging herself. "I'm… not comfortable talking about it."

But the creature wouldn't be dismayed so easily and just snapped, "Tell me."

Scowling, Rose turned around, shouting, "Well FINE. If you're going to be so nosy!"

"Now, Rose…" the Doctor began warningly, but she cut him off.

"No. They want to hear it? Fine." She turned to the alien, saying, "That Jack. He acted all nice and wonderful and you know what he does? He cons US, bribes himself aboard and then ASSAULTED me!"

The alien stared at her quietly for a while and the second one came over as well, both of them silent. The first alien then turned to the Doctor, asking, "What is this term?"

"Attempted pollination without the proper mating dance on another male's committed mate." the Doctor explained swiftly and then raised a hand at the last bit. "That's ME, by the way."

The two aliens looked surprised as both made a noise that while it was hard to understand, it clearly held the air of a scandalous ' _oooh!_ '. Rose had to smile inwardly. Apparently some things didn't change, even across alien races!

"Yeah. Yeah, what he said." she confirmed, scowling. "So… we… we put him down." It was difficult for her to say, but she honestly feared for her life right now, and not because of the two green aliens in the room.

"Where?" the second alien demanded.

Rose threw up her hands angrily, and turned around, snapping, "Oh I don't know! We told the machine to go somewhere and shoved him out the door. I don't know where he ended up!"

There was a pause and then a sharp and sudden, "You're lying." Rose yelped as suddenly she felt herself grabbed from behind. She struggled, but the second alien had her firmly despite her thrashing.

The Doctor blinked, surprised by this sudden change, but looking still so calm as he asked simply, "Beg pardon?"

"His scent is still in this room." the first alien growled.

"You LIE to us!?" the second alien all but roared, his skin appearing to grow courser, making Rose squirm.

The Doctor tried to salvage the situation, stammering, "N-No, I…"

But the aliens had clearly had enough. The second alien was holding Rose tightly and vines were starting to grow from the two protrusions alongside its head coiling around Rose's neck, shouting at the Doctor, "If you lie to us, you shall be killed. Dishonor!"

"Doctor!" Rose thrashed and screamed as the vines started to tighten.

The Doctor tried to run forwards, but the first alien caught his arm, snarling, "We shall kill your female first and then we shall kill you! DISHONOR!"

Blinking, the Doctor then shouted, "WAIT!" The aliens both paused suspiciously. He then held up his hands in a gesture of surrender, saying, "All right, I'll tell you." He lowered them. "I'll tell you where he is."

"No lies?" the first alien snarled.

The Doctor looked over at Rose, barely able to breathe now. "No lies. I promise. Just… let her go." He gestured to her and thankfully, the first alien nodded to the second, and she was released. "Come here, Rose… good girl." She came to him, coughing and gasping, and he gently tucked her behind his back, standing between her and the aliens, murmuring to her, "Stay there."

The aliens waited, the second asking, "Where is Jack Harkness? Hold to your promise."

"And no tricks. Tell us plainly." added the first.

"Plainly, eh?" the Doctor asked. He leaned back slightly and turned his head to Rose. "They want it plainly!" He turned back to them, smiling. "Fine." He spread his arms. "I ate him."


	2. Chapter 2

There was silence in the TARDIS for a moment before the first alien asked, "You ate him?"

The Doctor nodded. "Yes." He tilted his head to indicate Rose. "You think I would let some other male try and pollinate MY mate?! No way I'm letting that happen!"

"How?" the second alien asked. "Humans and your species are similar in size and there is no scent of blood in the air or on your person."

The Doctor smiled and lifted out his sonic screwdriver, but now he was pointing it threateningly, making the aliens look slightly hesitant at this unfamiliar 'weapon'. "Projected compression field. Makes 'em nice and bite-sized." He smiled, but then smacked his lips a couple times. "Doesn't improve the taste though." he remarked with a frown, giving a belch. "Horrible taste, humans. Far too salty for me." he remarked, as if giving advice, pocketing the screwdriver. He then blinked and waved his hand in the air, saying, "Explains the smell…"

The aliens glanced to each other, and then the first one moved to the side, pointing an arm at Rose. "Your mate can confirm this act?"

As she was given a nudge in the ribs, Rose peeked out from behind the Doctor, gulping hard as she nodded meekly. "Yeah… Yeah, I watched him do it."

The aliens suddenly spoke together in a high-pitched tone that Rose couldn't understand. It was horrible on the ears, but thankfully, it was short and they soon turned back and the first one stated, "The manner of his death does not matter. We want his body."

The Doctor frowned a bit, resting a hand on his belly. "Uh, don't know if that's a good idea." He rubbed it, adding, "He's been in there a _while_ now… Would be QUITE a mess to bring him back now."

"We want his corpse to solidify our revenge." the second alien insisted, taking a step forwards.

The Doctor appeared shocked at this statement, but then a sudden scowl came over his face. "Okay." He took a heavy step forwards. "Okay, you know what? I'll give him back…"

Rose could feel that something wasn't right and when the doctor stepped forwards, she took her chance and retreated up to 'hide' behind the railing around the hub of the TARDIS, hissing, "Doctor."

But he ignored her, adding, "…on **one** condition."

"Name it." the first alien said quickly.

The Doctor smiled and crossed his arms over his chest. "Have you ever been to earth?" he asked suddenly. The two aliens looked at him in confusion. "Third rock from the star Sol, Milky Way Galaxy, Ert Quadrant?" he added quickly. "No? Well… there is a type of plant on that planet. What did you call it, Rose?" He turned his head and asked her, smiling.

"C-Celery." she answered quietly, still feeling a bit frightened.

"Yes, celery. Exactly." the Doctor said, turning back. He paused and then pointed from one alien to the other, saying with a thoughtful look, "You two look a _LOT_ like it, as a matter of fact. Distant relatives perhaps?" He then jerked a thumb in Rose's direction, saying, "Anyway, I don't know about my mate there… but I do LOVE my celery…" His smile grew wide. "Especially when it's steamed until it's hot and juicy… and smothered in cheese."

The aliens had no faces, but it was clear that they were suddenly having second thoughts about this whole affair.

He took out his screwdriver, twirling it in his fingers menacingly as he eyed the aliens. "I devour it." the Doctor added, his smile wider as he took a step forwards, seeing the aliens flinch. He then lowered his free hand, putting it on his belly. "So… my condition is very simple: a meal for a meal." He rushed forwards a step, staring up into the 'face' of the first alien, holding the screwdriver up to its 'face' threateningly. "Will it be you, John? How 'bout you, Harriet?" He rushed to the second one, also brandishing his screwdriver and was pleased as they both stepped back from his advances, looking surprised and cautious.

Pleased, he withdrew and spread his arms, "Because if I have to empty my belly now… I want something to put in it as a substitute." He withdrew to the railing Rose was hiding behind, leaning on it and once again putting himself between her and the aliens. Leaning back as he was, his middle was clearly exposed and he watched as the aliens were obviously unsettled now, talking with each other fervently in that high-pitched dialogue.

A belch broke their conversation and they turned to stare at the Doctor, who was wiping his mouth. "My meal's last words." he shrugged. He then put his hand down, his eyes sharp as he scowled, "Well? What is your decision?"

The aliens spoke a while longer until the first spoke aloud. "We have your word that he is dead?"

The Doctor chuckled darkly. "I'm an omnivore. I eat EVERYTHING! I'm sure I can process a tiny bit of living meat." He patted his belly as he spoke, grinning. As the aliens looked hesitant, he muttered, "Still doubtful." He turned to Rose. "They STILL doubt me!" As she kind of shrugged helplessly, he then pocketed his screwdriver and came forwards, lifting his shirt to expose his middle, extending a hand. "Have a feel then. Prove to yourself what I know is true." The second alien paused, but as the first nodded, it gave the Doctor its hand, and he placed it right on his belly, making it press inwards, where it could feel a small, non-moving lump. "He's still pretty solid, but he's going fast." the Doctor commented and as there was a sudden noisy gurgling, the alien withdrew and the Doctor shrugged as he let his shirt come down, remarking, "Humans melt faster than anything I've ever had before! Belly's already getting to work." He belched again, turning his head to the side and covering his mouth a bit this time. "Makes me feel bloated, though." he grumbled, turning back to the aliens.

The first alien looked to the second, asking, "Well?"

The second nodded. "He is dead. He was not breathing."

The two aliens looked up as the Doctor stepped forwards, all smiles again. "Look, I'm sorry about your money, but you don't need to worry about him conning anyone again." He patted his belly. "I've made sure of that!" He paused and then belched again, groaning, "Gah… horrible taste, that…"

The aliens spoke together for a while again and then the first turned back to the Doctor. "We apologize for intruding."

The Doctor just smiled. "Oh, no trouble, no trouble at ALL! Were they trouble, Rose?" he asked, turning to her, and then turned back to the aliens, answering without waiting for a reply, "No, of course not. No trouble at all."

He then started to head off for the hallway, prompting Rose to ask in surprise, "Hey, where are you off to?"

The Doctor turned. "To sleep." he answered, his tone implying that he had thought that that was obvious. He patted his belly again. "Helps with indigestion, you know." He paused and turned back to the aliens. "I mean… our business here is done, right?"

The two nodded, the second one speaking, "Yes. Farewell and good pollination with your mate."

"Thanks. We'll get to work on that." the Doctor nodded, winking.

The two aliens then turned and left, the door of the TARDIS sealing shut behind them.

As soon as they were out, the Doctor flumped against the wall, panting out with a laugh, "Well, THAT was fun, wasn't it?"

Rose flumped down as well, stammering, "Oh my god… what… what WERE they?!"

"Linajirians." The Doctor answered. "VERY temperamental and love to kill first, ask questions later. We're lucky we survived that!" He got up, dusting himself off and re-straightening his shirt. "Surprisingly well-tempered those two were, though. Makes a nice change. Must be a younger couple."

Shivering, Rose then asked, "What… What about…"

"What?" the Doctor asked, fixing his collar.

"Him?" Rose said.

The Doctor looked confused. "Who?"

"JACK!" she snapped at him, looking horrified.

The Doctor blinked and then started to laugh, "Oh Jack! He's FINE!" He patted at his belly again, saying, "Aren't you, Jack?"

* * *

Jack lay there silently, breathing hard, still hugging himself so tightly, shivering down to his toes. He didn't know if it had been the collar or what, but he had been able to hear everything that had happened out there and to hear the man who had devoured him saying such things? Oh god, he had felt ready to scream! It had only gotten worse as he had felt himself patted at so callously and then to have felt that THING have a good solid feel at him? It had taken all his strength to go limp, to pretend to be the hunk of dead meat and bone he was supposed to be. As he heard the Doctor speak to him now, patting at him and calling for him, Jack could only shudder. "…clever trick…" he finally managed to whisper, trembling, eyeing the wet, claustrophobic walls around him. He had heard of this trick being used before, but he had never been a victim of it! And he now firmly decided he never would be again!

He then coughed and repeated himself, but louder and clearer. "Yeah, nice trick, Doctor." He then stammered, "But… Can I… Can I come out? I need to get drunk." He sighed heavily, clutching his skull. "Now. RIGHT NOW. I need to get **_SO_** drunk right now. This _very_ _second_." He whined as the stomach tightened around him again with a gurgling groan, once again squeezing and crushing him, trying to make him behave, but still failing to hurt him. "PLEASE!" He didn't know how much more of that he could TAKE!

He winced as he felt the stomach suddenly shift around him, but it was different now than before and he had to assume that the Doctor was moving somewhere, apparently completely unknowing [ _or perhaps uncaring?_ ] of how roughly his belly was treating his passenger. Jack heard some muffled, distant beeping as the Doctor answered him, "Hold on a tick, Jackie boy. Gotta check…"

More beeping as Jack waited, the stomach relaxing around him again. He hugged himself close, sighing heavily. Oh this was insane… He looked up as he felt his side patted at and heard the Doctor say, "Ah-HA! Knew it. They're scanning the TARDIS for you, Jack."

"What? Why?" Rose asked, coming to peer at the instruments.

The Doctor leaned back, waving to the panel. "They think Jack's still alive."

She looked surprised, saying, "But… they think you ate him! They even felt he was in there!"

He shrugged and crossed his arms over his belly. "Yeah, but eating someone doesn't always mean death, you know."

The human blinked, processing this and then protested, "W-What? Yes it does!"

The Doctor looked at her seriously for a moment, like he was amazed she was so stupid, but then blinked and slapped his forehead. "Oh right. Human." He then turned to her, explaining, "Look, if there is one easy way to smuggle almost anything anywhere, it's to shove it into someone and have them carry it around in their gut. There are laws now at all custom and border checkpoints that will involve cavity searches on the larger species to avoid this. It's not at all uncommon for someone to try and get an illegal into someplace by either shrinking them down first or just eating them at normal size. They stay snug and safe and then get coughed up upon release." He paused, adding, "Well, hopefully. There have been a lot of predators who take advantage of that system, but a promise of the second half of the payment usually gets them to give up their meal. _Usually_." he added, looking wary.

Rose went still, distant information flickering in her head and then blinked, saying, "Oh god, I've… Actually, I've heard of this before!"

"What, seriously?" the Doctor asked, looking genuinely surprised.

"Not with living things though!" Rose quickly amended, thinking back to all the stories he had heard about people swallowing drugs to get them past customs. She then shook her head and couldn't help but look at the Doctor's slim middle, asking nervously, "But he's… he's OKAY?" She swallowed nervously, recalling the Doctor's earlier comment of 'predators' and of his conversation with the aliens about eating anything.

The Doctor scoffed at her words, saying with a valley-girl-esque tone, "Yeah!" He then stood up from the railing and started to walk past her. "Now, excuse me."

As he got down from the platform and started to make his way to the door, Rose frowned, snapping, "Hey, where're you going?"

The Doctor turned as he kept walking, pointing a thumb over his shoulder. "Like I said. Bed. Helps with indigestion." He patted his middle again, now looking slightly unhappy and then belching again. "Ugh…"

Rose went still and started to scramble after him, shouting, "Wait! Come back here!" She rushed after him and as he paused, confused, she grabbed his shirt front asking in shock, "You're going to KILL HIM?! Are you insane?!"

The Doctor looked shocked and disgusted, prying her hands off, snapping back, "What, NO! Of course not!" He glared at her and crossed his arms again, grumbling, "Like I'd let THAT filth become part of me! Disgusting notion. Repulsive."

Rose was still, confused and scared and… just CONFUSED! "Then… why…?" she muttered, staring at the Doctor's face and belly intermittently.

The man sighed heavily and started to rub his temples. He then said firmly, enunciating each word like he was speaking to a child who wasn't listening, "LIKE. I. SAID: _INDIGESTION_!" He stared at her, asking in shock, "God, can't you listen? You have TWO ears!" He reached forwards and flicked at her ears with his fingers, making her yelp and cover them defensively. He glared, adding, "Not many species can say that, you know! You should be thankful!" He then huffed and turned away, a hand coming to rest on his belly as he started to walk down the hall.

But still, Rose couldn't just let him leave and caught up to him again, grabbing his coat hem. "No, wait!"

He turned to stare at her, clearly at the end of his patience, but willing to give her one last chance.

Rose swallowed nervously, asking clearly, "So he's… he's alive?"

The Doctor sighed, but answered in a surprisingly gentle way, "Yes."

"He… He's safe?" she stressed.

"Yes." he answered again. He then smiled. "Look, he's been safe from the START! I would never have done that if I thought he'd get hurt!" He spread his arms to emphasize his words, still smiling reassuringly.

Rose blinked. "You… Wait, THAT was your plan? Eating him was actually your PLAN?"

"Yeah, why else did you think I had Jack-tartar? For my own benefit?!" he said in surprise. He stared at her and then asked, "My god, are you REALLY this dense?!" He leaned over her, tapping her forehead with his finger. "REALLY?"

She glared back and smacked his hand, pointing a finger at him. "Hey, you have to remember, I'm still new to the whole time traveler/space traveler thing! You have to EXPLAIN THINGS to me sometimes, mister DOCTOR! I'm not as smart as you-"

"No arguments there." The Doctor interjected.

"-and I don't know what's considered common knowledge or not!" Rose finished, glaring at him. She then sighed, rubbing her forehead, saying in a nicer tone, "Okay, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell, but seriously. I'm new to this. I need to learn and I can't learn if no one teaches me."

The Doctor was silent for a time, but then reached and using a finger, lifted her chin. He smiled. "Okay. You're right." He then backed up and straightened his coat. "Quick lesson."

He held up a finger. "One species eating another where neither party is harmed is an activity that is considered completely normal. For some species, it is necessary for reproduction. For others, it's considered a true show of faith, trust or loyalty. For yet others, well… They just use it for recreation or even therapeutic reasons."

He held up a second finger. "It's also a common way to try and avoid customs or border areas, and thus, it is something as regularly checked for as checking for sharp objects and fusion bombs, and by the way, if they ever ask to do one to you, don't be offended and don't resist." he added with a sage nod.

He held up a third finger. "My screwdriver modified the compression field that shrank Jack down so that it protects him from my body. He can breathe and do anything he wants, except get out unless I help him out, but HE IS SAFE. He figured that out right quick and that's why he played along and acted dead when that thing had a feel at him, and hasn't been calling for help since. He's a smart lad… at least when his life's on the line!" He touched his belly again, grinning.

After he had finished speaking, he lowered his hand, smiling at her. "Lesson concluded. There will be a test in a week's time. Good night!" He came and gave the shocked Rose a playful pat on the head and then turned to leave.

Blinking back her shock, Rose then stumbled forwards, saying, "Wait, hang on."

The Doctor went still and turned, now looking stern, "Rose, I swear to you-"

"Just… Just humor me." she said quickly. He sighed, but turned back, arms crossed again. "If… If he's alive… then… then what's wrong?"

This caught the Doctor off-guard and he stared. "What do you mean ' _what's wrong_ '?" he asked finally.

She gestured to his belly, saying, "You said indigestion. Indigestion means your system's wrong, usually from bad food or an illness."

The Doctor looked annoyed. "I know what indigestion means, Rose. I HAVE it right now!"

"But… how? Is he hurting you?" she asked, looking confused.

After a pause, the Doctor then answered a little awkwardly, "Well, no, but-"

"Kicking?" she suggested.

"No, he-"

"Biting?"

"NO!" the Doctor snapped and coming forwards, he covered her mouth with his hand, saying in shock, "Let me speak!" As she stayed quiet, he removed his hand, looking amazed. "Jeez, like a motor, you are!"

"Then what?" she asked.

There was then a strange moment where the Doctor looked… almost embarrassed. "He's just…" He trailed off, mumbling at the end.

"Just what?" Rose prompted.

The Doctor waved his hand a bit. "Just so…"

"Yes?" Rose asked, now getting annoyed.

The Doctor blushed and then admitted, "SO HOT!"

There was silence for a while, as the Doctor hugged his belly and Rose looked confused. "What… are you talking about?" she asked finally, frowning in confusion.

Blinking as if he hadn't considered something, the Doctor stood up and came forwards, taking Rose's hand gently. "Rose, I'm about to do something that might be seen as rude and weird. Bear with me." and then suddenly stuck her first and middle finger into his mouth.

As could be expected, Rose freaked out, instantly trying to get away, shouting, "AH CHRIST! LET GO OF ME, YOU FREAK!"

But he held her all too easily, mumbling carefully around her hand, "'ow 'oes ith 'eel?"

She paused, trying to decipher what she had heard, asking in shock, "Wait… ' _How… How does it FEEL_ '? Is that what you're asking?" She made a face and tried to pull away from him again, saying in disgust, "God, what do you think?! All wet and slimy and…" But then she went still, realizing something was wrong. "Oh god." she said quietly, going still and staring, tempting fate to move her fingers slightly. " _Cold_." she said finally, looking at the Doctor in surprise. "Oh my god, you're so cold inside…"

The Doctor released her, but dug into his pocket for a handkerchief and started to dry off her hand before releasing her, saying with a smile, "Well now, I wouldn't call 60 degrees Earth F _cold_. Chilly maybe, but not outright COLD."

As she let him dry her hand, Rose started to put the pieces together. "So wait. You're 60 degrees inside… and Jack's 98.6…" She started to giggle and then outright laughed, withdrawing her now-dry hand to point at him, laughing harder. "Oh god! That must feel awful for you!"

"It's like having a hot coal trying to melt through my guts." the Doctor agreed morosely, folding up the handkerchief and putting it away.

"You're exaggerating." she accused, chuckling.

"Of course I am." The Doctor agreed instantly and then waved at her. "Good night!"

As he turned to walk away, Rose then asked, "Wait, you're going to let him out right?"

The Doctor turned back, shaking his head. "Not yet. Like I said, they're scanning for him. Right now, he's well hidden. If I keep him hidden for 8 more hours, they'll give up and think he's dead."

Rose gaped. "8 hours?!" she asked in shock. That was so LONG!

"Short, I know." the Doctor agreed with an expression of pleased surprise, making Rose pause in confusion.

Seeing that she needed another lesson, he turned to her. "See, all civilian equipment will only protect any 'goods' inside for 6 hours, 7 at best if you buy black-market. They can't get it to go any longer, because it causes the eater to melt. Something to do with the inhabitation of digestive acids and the plumbing backing up horrifically." He paused, grimacing. "Not a pretty sight, by the way. Makes an AWFUL mess. The smell won't go away for weeks."

Rose blinked, now looking worried. "So wait, you…"

"Oh, not, I'm not using any equipment like that." he said with a sly grin. "See, I have something no one else does." He patted his coat pocket. "My sonic screwdriver. See, a compression field will not protect someone if they get eaten. It just changes their size. Makes them bite-size, like I said before." He grinned. "But, thanks to my sonic screwdriver, I was able to modify the device to do something that it normally cannot do: keep Jack safe. Otherwise, trust me, he would be VERY dead by now. See, the field doesn't affect _my_ body at all, just Jack's. My stomach's been trying to digest Jack since he arrived, but it can't."

He paused, and then looked frustrated, saying finally, "Best I can do is describe it like this: The compression field is like a full-body, skin-tight bubble around him. It squeezes him down to whatever size you could ask for and can keep him that size for however long you want. My screwdriver modified that field, something that no one else can do, by the way…" he added with a smug grin. "…to prevent acids getting through, but still let air through so he can breathe."

Rose blinked. "So… like a weird scuba suit? It's a scuba suit that shrank him but it's also keeping him safe?"

The Doctor paused, and then grinned. "Fantastic. Yes, that's a good way to put it!" He leaned back on the wall. "The Linajirians know that a compression field will not protect someone from digestion, so they are waiting to see if I plan to let him out him as soon as they leave. They know I won't do it right away, so they're trying to wait and catch me off-guard. The second I bring him out, he'll appear on their scans and then we will be in SO MUCH TROUBLE." He shuddered and then continued. "See, they know Jack is human, and therefore, he's not that durable. Though, they seem to have overestimated his durability, because they think that he'll only safely last 8 hours inside me. That's how long their scan is set for. By the way…" he added suddenly with a smile. "The Documented Universe Record of Unassisted Survival inside a Functioning Digestive System was a Hulordian who lasted over _27 days_ in the belly of a Dertia before all brain signals ceased." He then pursed his lips, saying, "Though, for humans, it's honestly more likely they'll last only 8 minutes, but let's not tell the Linajirians that, shall we?"

Rose blinked and then summed it up, saying, "So, they're waiting to see you cough him up, because if you don't do it in 8 hours, that's when all tech normally fails anyway, and they'll think you really did kill him and we're scot free, even though Jack is safe?"

The Doctor looked pleased and nodded. "Exactly. Now… any more questions?" As Rose shrugged helplessly, he grinned. "Good. Then I'm off. Night!" He suddenly jerked slightly and paused to belch, muttering, "Excuse me…"

As he walked off, Rose couldn't help but stare after this weird, strange man, and then smiled. "One thing, Doctor?"

"Hmm?" he turned.

"You got it wrong." She said with a smile.

He paused, looking confused. "Got what wrong?"

"It's not celery and cheese." Rose said. "It's BROCCOLI and cheese."

The Doctor blinked. "Broccoli? Those little green tree-looking things?" As Rose nodded, he looked honestly horrified, saying, "Oh, that's _disgusting_!" He then walked off quickly down the hall, leaving Rose behind, looking confused on if that had been a joke, or an honest statement.

* * *

Walking down the hall, the Doctor got to his door. It was circular, about 7 feet tall and sealed tightly. No one could get in if he didn't want them to. Putting his hand on the door, he smiled as it didn't open, but just seemed to… turn transparent. He then walked through it as easy as air, the door solidifying behind him. The room was also circular, about 20 feet in diameter. If looked at like a clock face, with the door coming in being at 6, there was a kitchen at 12, at 9 was a workbench, and at 10 and 11 were cabinets that contained his food. On the other side of the room, at the 1 was a large curved board that could draw up any information that he wished, at 2 was a closet for his clothing, containing all his period dressings, and from 3 to 6 was a large bed, curved to fit along the wall.

He sighed as he stumbled and flopped onto the bed, sighing heavily, flopping one arm over his eyes and the other over his belly. He sighed heavily, speaking aloud, "Well, Jack, quite a mess you've landed yourself in."

"No pun intended." came the small, muffled answer, and the Doctor smiled.

His arm still over his eyes, the Doctor rubbed his hand over his belly, feeling the small, hot form inside, still shaking a bit, but whole and unharmed. "But you all right?" he asked gently, his tone gentler than before. After all, he had devoured the man without warning or asking consent, so he was right to have been frightened, and the Doctor did feel a tiny bit of guilt for having acted so roughly.

Jack moved a little bit in place, calling back, "Yeah… Yeah, just trying to get it through my skull that I've been eaten alive by an alien."

The Doctor scoffed, shifting position. "Oh shut it. Like it's never happened to you before, especially in your line of work."

Jack actually laughed. "It hasn't actually."

Blinking, the Doctor got up on his elbows, looking down at his belly, asking in surprised, "Wait, really?"

"I've been lucky until now!" After a bit of squirming, it felt like the little man shrugged. "This is a new experience for me." he admitted.

"Oh." The Doctor lay back down, shifting his position a bit. "Well… be glad it's me and not something else then!"

"Yeah, no kidding." Jack laughed weakly, and he squirmed again, shifting his position.

It made the Doctor bite his lip a bit, wanting to ask for more movement, but knowing how improper that was. This wasn't for recreation, but for… well, 'business' was the best word he could find for their situation! He lay quietly, sighing, his foot tapping against the air as he worked to deal with the odd sensation of how HOT the little man felt inside. He hadn't been exaggerating all that much to Rose earlier. It did indeed feel like he had a VERY hot object trying to melt into the rest of his body. Maybe not a coal, but something close. He sighed again, trying to ignore it, shifting in place.

"Got close one time though." Jack said suddenly, bringing the Doctor out of his thoughts.

Glad for the distraction, the Doctor opened his eyes. "Oh?" he asked curiously, as he shifted his position.

Jack wriggled a bit, saying, "Yeah. Was talking about that 'dumb luck' with a Glorph… and it was drunk."

The Doctor laughed. "Fantastic combination."

Jack laughed as well, a bit more genuinely and not as scared this time. "Yeah. Had me halfway in its jaws before I managed to reach my teleporter." It felt like he had shivered. "Got off that planet REAL quick." He then squirmed again, commenting afterwards. "Showered for a week before the smell went away."

Jack sighed as he heard the Doctor laughing, the sound echoing around him, but not in a bad way. It was a bit frightening yes, unnerving and loud and overpowering, but it wasn't… scary. He knew that the Doctor hadn't been trying to hurt him. Yeah, he had scared him good and proper, but now he understood why. There had been no time to go over the details of his plan.

As he let himself lie still as best he could, Jack looked around him again, seeing the familiar wet, squishy walls. The Doctor's stomach was very soft, surprisingly so. Jack had always thought that stomachs were rough and grating, perfect to work its job of grinding food into nutritious soup, but either the Doctor was special, or he had been taught all wrong, because this was just shy of comfortable!

He grimaced as the stomach suddenly groaned around him and he was crushed in place again, the muscular walls trying their best to break him down, collapsing inwards and massaging him roughly, trying to grind in the copious amounts of acids that had pooled around him. There were noisy squelches and gurgles as this continued for a couple more seconds, but then things relaxed again, leaving Jack lying on his back in a pool of shallow slime. He grumbled a bit and moved to be on his side, sighing.

To be honest, even those periodic squeezes wouldn't be so bad with the exception of one thing: the cold.

The Doctor's flesh was SO COLD, and in fact, the only thing keeping Jack warm at the moment was his own body heat filling the confined, airtight stomach. Each time the stomach compressed around him, it was lost and he started to shiver as the cold walls pressed in on him, chilling his body, but then they relaxed and his body went into overtime to heat him up again… only for that energy to be lost when the stomach tried again!

Grumbling, Jack rolled to his other side, trying to move to stay warm, but then yelped as he felt the stomach move again, but this was different. It was the Doctor moving this time, and Jack suddenly realized he had been feeling this a lot as they had spoken; the Doctor had kept shifting about.

Curious, he called out, "What're you squirming for?"

"I said already." the Doctor answered curtly.

Blinking, Jack then chuckled. "Oh right. You're cold, I'm hot, so you've got tummy-troubles?" he asked mockingly.

He yelped as the ceiling of the stomach came down, squishing him in place, the Doctor 'snapping' gently, "Yeah, well, my ' _tummy-troubles_ ' are keeping you ALIVE!"

"And I appreciate that." Jack answered, still squished.

The Doctor released him and Jack started to try and move again, trying to find a warm spot. After a few seconds of this, Jack looked up as he heard the Doctor ask, "Now what've YOU been squirming about for?"

Jack paused, not really wanting to answer, but he sighed. If he was going to be in here for 8 more hours, best to make them comfortable. "I'm… I'm cold." he answered finally, squirming to lie on his back.

The Doctor paused. "Wait, you're cold?"

"Yeah. Like you said; 60F." Jack answered, lifting a leg and giving the nearest wall a light kick. "Chilly in here…"

There was a shift of gravity and Jack frowned as he was suddenly sliding down a bit to fit snugly in the bottom curve of the Doctor's belly and he lay there, cross as he was now cold again.

"No, that's not right…" the Doctor was muttering to himself and Jack had to assume he had gone up on his elbows again. "OH!"

The exclamation startled Jack, making him covers his ears in shock as the noise echoed around him alarmingly, shouting, "Noise level DOWN, please?!"

The Doctor then said suddenly, "Here…" and there was a sudden buzzing noise, muffled by the flesh. It sounded like the sonic screwdriver…

Jack then froze as he suddenly felt warmth spread over his body from his head to his toes and he sighed heavily in delight, feeling like he had dipped into a hot bath. He lay more comfortably in the stomach, sighing, "Oh… Oh that's SO much better. What did you do?"

"Forgot to modify the temperature of your compression field." the Doctor explained in an apologetic tone. He must have lain down again because the stomach flattened out, but Jack didn't care now. The warmth stayed with him and he lay sprawled out on his back, sighing happily. "Won't bother me, thankfully, but should make it easier for you." the Doctor remarked.

Jack lifted a foot and gave the ceiling a half-hearted kick, complaining playfully, "You couldn't have remembered this sooner?"

"Had other things on my mind, Jack!" the Doctor snapped and the ceiling dropped again, squishing the little man in place.

Jack squirmed a bit and then chuckled, saying, "Yeah well… thanks."

There was a pause, but then the pressure eased up, turning into a more gentle pressure and as he felt it move up and down his body, Jack realized that the Doctor was rubbing at him. Not his own belly, but at HIM. It made Jack feel special, something he wasn't used to feeling and he didn't quite know how to react, so he just lay there, letting this happen.

"Welcome." the Doctor murmured quietly.

The Doctor had to admit that it felt kind of nice as Jack lay quietly inside, just… small and relaxed and calm. The kicks and struggles from those first few minutes had been intriguing, sure, but compared to these small motions… they had felt violent, harsh and obviously frightened. But now Jack just felt… nice. It felt NICE to have him inside, but without hurting him, of course.

The problem was his HEAT! It made the Doctor's belly twitch and protest, which had resulted in the multiple attempts to try and melt this annoying morsel of food, but of course, nothing had changed, further confusing his system.

Finally, he could take it no more and scrambled out of bed. "Okay, that's it!"

Jack flailed inside at the sudden shift of gravity, shouting, "WHOA! What's going on?"

"Temporary solution." the Doctor answered as he ran to the kitchen section, reaching into what Rose had called his 'fridge', where he kept his foods and drink that had to remain cold.

"To… what?" Jack asked hesitantly, moving a bit nervously inside.

As he pulled out a jug, the Doctor also grabbed a glass from the nearby cabinet, saying, "Your heat!"

Jack went very still and then gave another kick, but a hesitant one, asking, "Uh… Please don't tell me you mean to…"

"Drink something, yes." the Doctor interrupted, pouring himself a glass of the dark brown, but clear drink. It smelled sweet and he smiled a bit. Rose had introduced him to this a while back: iced tea. This one was raspberry in flavour, so she had said, and he had found it quite enjoyable!

As he closed the jug, he heard Jack call out in a frightened tone, "Wait, is that safe for me?!"

"Oh, I won't drown you." the Doctor reassured him quickly, putting the jug away and then grabbing the cup. "I just need to cool myself down a bit. You're scalding…"

As he was lifting it to his lips, Jack suddenly shouted, "Wait… I'm not BURNING you am I? Like, actually medically BURNING you?"

The Doctor paused, surprised by this show of concern and he paused to smile, saying, "No, not at all. You're just… confusing things." He grimaced as his belly suddenly growled loudly and it felt like Jack had gotten a lot hotter all of a sudden as his stomach collapsed around the small man, putting him into more contact with the fleshy walls. Grimacing, the Doctor belched a bit as some of the air exchange was again forced out of him and he smacked his lips. "Point." he said. He then lifted the glass again, saying, "Okay, Jack, bottom's up!" and quickly downed the whole thing in a rush.

The cold liquid seemed to spread and cover his whole stomach, seeping into every corner and he sighed heavily, ignoring Jack's tinny and indignant, "HEY!"

The Doctor sighed as he put the glass aside, touching his belly, already feeling so much cooler and calmer. "Oh… fantastic…" he muttered quietly.

"Hey! That's COLD!" Jack shouted, kicking at him more energetically now.

"Your field will adjust shortly, you'll be fine." the Doctor replied, going back to the bed and sitting on it. "Now stop complaining." he snapped gently, patting at his belly again, feeling Jack so clearly despite all the tea.

Jack was quick to react to this though, kicking at him sharply, demanding, "Hey, quit with the patting!"

The Doctor raised an eyebrow and with a smile, he patted again. "And what do you plan to do about it, little man? Hmm?"

The tiny man went still all of a sudden and the Doctor had the vague sensation that he was about to regret something. "Don't tempt me…" Jack said warningly. "I may have been lucky until now and avoided getting eaten, but I did read up on what to do if I _was_ eaten."

Well, this was an interesting statement! The Doctor then decided to tempt fate and smirked as he lay down. "Oh? Well, you're not armed, so why should I worry?"

"Who says I need to be armed?" Jack replied and shifted position and from the four distinct points of pressure, he had to guess that Jack was now on his hands and knees. "Last chance." he said firmly. "Stop patting."

The Doctor smiled and patted at him again. "No."

The little man shifted position again, calling out, "Fine, your funeral!"

Jack smiled as he quickly went to work.

He had always been told this was a long shot, but he was going to try this anyway. In most species, the stomach was situated alongside the other vital organs and in most vertebrate species, it was also near to the spine. There were rumors going around that attacking and rubbing at the spine of a creature could induce several different reactions. Either it would induce pain, which was obvious about how it meant escape; it would induce laughter, which could be helpful in rendering the predator helpless and weak, or lastly; it would induce pleasure, which could be used as a bargaining chip to allow release.

Jack didn't know what to expect with the Doctor, but he turned and started to rub, stroke and knead down at the floor powerfully, having been able to use the hearts to orient himself and had quickly been able to find the firm bones of the spine, targeting them.

The Doctor had jumped in surprise, shaking him up a bit and splashing the tea around, but then… he started to giggle, trying to squish him to stop moving. But Jack was well-placed and just kept going, chuckling as the Doctor's laughter got louder and louder and louder, the two hearts now beating double-time and the lungs fighting to get enough air in to keep the Doctor functioning. He soon had the doctor in hysterics, feeling him thrashing around, trying to dislodge or stop him, the tea splashing and sloshing all over the place, but Jack stayed right where he was, well-braced and not going anywhere.

Jack kept going for another good five minutes until he decided it was safe to stop, hearing the Doctor panting for breath, his hearts thundering overhead.

Jack lay down smugly in the cool tea as he heard the Doctor gasp out finally, "Oh… oh my… What… What WAS that?"

The little man grinned and lifting a foot, started to mess with the spine again, pressing the heel down into the flesh near the spine again, feeling the stomach tense up around him in anticipation. "It's amazing how many nerves are in the stomach mucosa…" he said casually, grinning. "Or more importantly… what nerves are CLOSE BY." He used his second heel as well, digging in suddenly, making the Doctor jump and burst out into laughter again, but it was weak now, showing how tired he was.

The Doctor gasped as Jack relaxed his feet. "Did you jus-"

"Went for your spine, Doc." Jack answered, grinning. "Now, give up?"

The Doctor must have frowned because he was suddenly trying to squish Jack flat again, ordering, "Stop that!"

But Jack was quick to get back to all fours, too well-positioned to be shaken out of place, and he started kneading again, shouting, "GIVE UP?"

It took a couple more minutes, but the Doctor was soon a helpless pile of laughter again, begging amid tears, "Okay, okay! I give! Stop! Please stop!"

"Good boy." Jack commented, relaxing and lying still, idly splashing at the tea with a hand, feeling the stomach all but shuddering around him, the muscles SO terribly confused by now at this bizarre meal that refused to digest and kept moving about!

The Doctor lay sprawled on his bed, red-faced, panting and feeling exhausted. That had been unexpected! He hadn't been able to move at ALL! He panted again, gulping in air desperately, saying finally, "That… Oh wow…" But then he started to smile and used both hands to press down on his belly, squishing Jack firmly in place. As expected, the little man let out a " _HEY!_ ", but the Doctor ignored it, gleefully commanding, "Do it again! That felt GREAT!"

Jack went still, obviously not having expected this. "What!?" He squirmed lightly, confused. "No, wait, that was supposed to-"

Chuckling, the Doctor said, "You forget: no one told you what to do against MY race. Whatever that was supposed to do… it just felt **great** to me! Now…" He squished Jack again, grinning widely and eagerly. " _Do it again!_ "

Jack groaned as he was squished against the cool walls and lifting himself out of the tea, he started to get to work, grumbling, "Oh god, what have I gotten myself into?"

8 more hours to go…

 **FIN**


End file.
